:: A POX ON BOTH DA HOUSES ::

Pizza has taken Hangzhou by storm, as anyone living in Hangzhou will tell you. Four years ago, when I first visited Hangzhou, there was exactly one Pizza place here. Unfortunately, it was a Pizza Hut. When I moved here two years ago, Pizza was blossoming - the Radisson had and the Shangri-La Hotels had added Italian restaurants, and a lot of small pizza shops had begun to sprout like.....well, mushrooms. I can direct you to at least 20 places serving palatable pizza in Hangzhou these days. And Pizza Hut is at the end of the list.

Which is funny, because the Pizza Hut here is famous. Why? Well, the Chinese will tell you, "Oh, It's FAMOUS American Pizza". They line-up outside the restaurant every night to get in. LINE UP! In China! No one LINES UP in China! Except to go to Pizza Hut. (It was the same deal with the Pizza Hut in Suzhou when I lived there.)

Most of us foreigners here laugh when we go by the Pizza Hut, on our way to a couple of nearby places that actually have better pizza, because the only people in line, always, are the Chinese waiting to show off to their friends that they are at The Famous American Pizza Hut.

So Dumb

This is Even Dumber

My classes are finished, Miranda has gone back to Dongbei for Chun Jie, and I have been working on a couple of Internet projects this week. I surfaced for air at about 8:00 tonight realizing it was way past dinner time. Miranda-less, I decided to bicycle down the street to a nearby Pizza HOUSE. Now these places are popping up all over - they are Chinese rip-offs of Pizza Huts - same menu, same motif, and, unfortunately, the same quality of pizza. But no waits in line.

A couple of weeks ago, Miranda and I were watching the FRIENDS DVD series and we decided to get a pizza delivery. This was a first for me in China and we called the nearby Pizza HOUSE. They bicycled over in less than 30 minutes with a piping hot pizza. (No small children were maimed by maniac pizza delivery drivers.) The delivery guy left a coupon. My Chinese reading isn't too good, but it said something about ordering your next nine inch pizza and you get something else free (that part was unclear).

So, when I arrived at the Pizza HOUSE tonight, I remembered the coupon and I asked the waitress. She told me that if I ordered a 9 inch pizza, I would get a choice of free wings, waffle fries, or french fries with the coupon. This place has excellent waffle fries so I said OK, "A 9 inch American pepperoni pizza", handed her the coupon, and added "the waffle fries".

Then I said, "Hey, wait". (Actually, I said it in Chinese)

"Make it a 12 inch Pizza". I figured I had already ordered too much, me being solo and all, and I figured I'd get the large size and take the rest home for lunch tomorrow.

"Bu ke neng", the waitress immediately told me. "Can't do it."

"Huh?" I asked.

Your coupon is only good for 9 inches. If you want 12 inches you don't get free waffle fries.

And this, dear friends, is the conundrum of life in China. Here is a western wannabe restaurant (Pizza HOUSE) dipping into the world of western marketting (COUPONS) with decidedly western products (pizza and fries) and they haven't a clue. How much dumber can dumb be?

Let's walk through this: I order a 9 inch - 40 RMB pizza. I have a coupon which says if I buy the 9 inch pizza, I get10 RMB fries. I don't really want the fries, but hey, they are free. And as I order, I think, order a LARGER pizza (12 inches). With the fries, I won't be able to finish the whole pizza so I can take the leftovers home for lunch tomorrow. That larger pizza costs 60 RMB. I am spending MORE MONEY than the original coupon was enticing me to spend. Suddenly, according to the waitress, the coupon is worthless. I really didn't care about the fries, but I was doing the restaurant a favor by upgrading my pizza order from 9 to 12 inches (an extra 20 RMB to them) but they were sticking to the terms of the coupon. This is a PRIME example of the linear thinking in Chinese businesses. More on that in a later article.

But this absolute stupidity became a matter of principle to me as I sat there. How dumb is this?

The purpose of the coupon is to get the customer back to the shop. It worked. But if the customer decides to spend MORE than the coupon terms, well, ....that's the point of getting the customer back to the shop. Duh!

This reminds me, interstingly enough, of ANOTHER pizza place in Hangzhou. Miranda and I went there a few times. It's far west of the city and so it gets very few foreigners. I think it has the best pizza in Hanghzou. So on our first trip there, shocked as they were to see a real, live foreigner in their shop, they gave me their standard, laminated "VIP" card.

Later, Miranda translated it for me. All of the "specials" involved carry-out or home delivery. But home delivery to any foreigner in the Hangzhou was outside their service area. So what's the point of the card, I asked?

Still, their pizza was all that.....and it was worth the trip there, sans discount.

On Christmas Eve, after playing the Santa Claus dude at a campus party, Miranda (Santa's helper) and I went to this Pizza place. Santa (Moi) was jonesing for a good pizza. The waitress and manager were in good spirits (wouldn't you be too if Santa Claus walked into your resaturant on Christmas Eve) and I pulled out my old VIP card. I also pointed out the "weakspots" in their approach - why limit the discount to customers for home delivery, give the same discounts to customers who actually come to your "otherwise empty" restaurant - and while they are here, they will order more knowing there is a discount?

While Miranda and I were eating, they apparently had a majordomo discussion on this in the office. As we were leaving, sans discount, they asked me for my VIP card. It disappeared into the front office and appeared moments later with taped notes to it. Apparently, my VIP card to Napoli Pizza on Wen Xin Street in Hangzhou now treats me equally whether I eat in or eat out.

I'm a Napoli Pizza man now.....and a pox on Pizza Hut (for bad food) and Pizza House (for awful service).

Postscript: Leylop can probably tell you tales from her days at Pizza Hut. And I hope she does at her Blog. A no-tip policy at a Pizza Hut for employees? A "Take a tip and take a walk"policy? It's true here in China. Sponsored by Pepsi.

:: BLOG OUT II YES ::

Yep, Blogspot blogs have been blocked again. We can't access our sites to read them, though we can still post to them (as I am doing now, duh!).

The funny thing is, no one here seems to care much and we have barely noticed it...because during the last Blog Out">, everyone here figured out how to get around it.

It's a little inconvenient. But hey, it's the price you have to pay for living in China.

It's somewhat similar to the little inconveniences that the Little Bushes have been incrementally imposing on everyday life in the U.S since 2000, accelerated after 911, and going full bore after last November's elections when they regained control of the Senate.

The new Homeland Security Administration sounds an awful lot to me like Public Security Bureau. It's all in the translation, I guess. And the implementation.

Anyway, Blogging in China continues apace, mostly unabated.

:: BLOG OUT II ? ::

I thought it might be as a result of the Slammer Virus that I haven't been able to access my Blog for the last couple of days nor any other Blogspot Blogs. But other sites are coming through fine now and yet, no Blogspot sites. Using "other means", I am now able to access my Blog. So it looks like Round II of the Blog Out has started.

If you are in China and able to read this without resorting to "other means" (ya know what I mean) leave a comment below.

:: ENGLISH TIPS FROM ENGLISH LEARNERS ::

Earlier this semester, I had my senior writing classes write short essays on methods they have personally found useful in their language learning through the years. The textbook suggested that these be assembled into a booklet but, hey, this is the 21st century. I told them I would put it all together and stick it on the web. Actually back then (November) I did do a quick webpage and threw all the essays (unformatted and unproofed) onto a website. We then spent a couple of classes going over the CONTENT of their writing in class. It they were very useful classes because I could critique everything: style, grammar, word choices, CHINGLISH! while the whole class watched and learned. But I had no time to rework the original site until classes ended last week. I spent the weekend on this. (See Miranda, I did have stuff to do, zhende!)

Actually, I as a teacher, learned quite a lot from reading the advice my students were giving to others about what works for them.

Anyway, if you are a student of English OR a teacher in China teaching English (actually there's some advice there on Japanese, too), I highly recommend you visit their site for some good, sound advice.

If not and/or if you have been following leylop's blog, you will see that Zhejiang University students have a very good command of English when given the opportunity to use it.

Go visit the site and let them know you were there.

P.S. Check out the Photo Gallery there for pictures of The Baseball Lesson.

:: STATE OF THE UNION? ::

This is funny... er, scary ... um, both.
( Requires Real Player and broadband )

:: YAO v. SHAQ ::

There's been a lot of noise (via Jane) this week over racist comments Shaquille O'Neill made this summer about Yao Ming. Today was their first matchup.

I was lucky to catch the ESPN feed live (albeit with Chinese commentators) on Zhejiang TV this morning (China time). I was hoping Yao might kick some Shaq-Ass. First time down the court, Yao slapped away Shaq's first shot. Down to the other end of the court and Yao hit a soft jump-hook over a flat-footed Shaq. In fact, Shaq's first four shots were blocked-three by Yao. I think he earned some respect from Shaq.

Anyway, the game settled down and I settled in. Yao held his own well, even though Shaq ended up with 31 points to Yao's 10. Yao was still a force with 6 blocked shots and 10 RBs. Being an ex-basketball coach and referee, I know there's more to playing a good game than simply how many points you personally rack up. And the bottom line is did your team win or lose....

.... Well, the game went into OT and with 10 seconds left, Yao threw down a jam which iced the Rocket's victory - 108-104 (although the last 10 seconds took about 10 minutes to play as both teams exchanged numerous time-outs and foul shots).

When Yao threw down his jam, ESPN showed a woman dancing in the stands with a cool sign: "Hey Shaq, who's Yao Daddy?"

I think Shaq will keep his mouth shut from now on.

P.S. I actually saw Shaq's father walk over after the game and give Yao a hug while Yao was waiting to be interviewed.

:: BLOGS HELD HOSTAGE - AND ON THE NINTH DAY... ::

....suddenly, blogspot.com blogs were open again from within China. TIC.

:: THIS IS CHINA? ::

I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own two eyes.

Right here in Hangzhou, there is an amusement park named Song Dynasty Town. And right next door is "America Land".

Some filthy rich Chinese guy has built a full scale replica of the White House (complete with Oval Office and Red Room) and smaller scale replicas of the Washington Monument (with Reflecting Pool) and Mount Rushmore. It's about the most bizarre thing I have seen in China and, believe me, I have seen some VERY bizarre things here.

Check out the pictures I took of America Land yesterday which I posted on the front page of my website

:: BLOGS HELD HOSTAGE - DAY 5 ::

Well, the Great China Blog Out is in it's fifth day with no signs of relief. But we're dealing with it. The blogging has continued and the rest of the world, if not China, are able to access the blogs. It's like a one-way Iron Curtain has been pulled down again. The sad thing is that most of the Chinese blogs, at least the ones written by foreigners, are usually positive about China. Blogging has been a way to get the word out to the rest of the world (read: the U.S.) that China really isn't as bad a place as it is often portrayed in the West.

And then they go and do something stupid like this Blog Block.

With the aid and assistance of U.S. companies, it should be pointed out.

Anyway, here's some links with more in depth information on the Great China Blog Out:
t-salon
openflows

:: BLOG OUT ::

For the third day in a row, I have been unable to access this Blog from Hangzhou nor any other Blogs hosted by blogspot.com. More than a dozen people have contacted me advising me that they are having similar problems accessing blogspot.com Blogs around China. Other's report similar problems.

I hope this problem will be resolved. In the meantime, it still is possible to post messages to the Blogs (see, ?m doing that right now!), we just can't access the sites to read them. (Well, I can but I won't tell you how... nod nod wink wink!)

:: HANGZHOU SNOW ::

The last time it snowed in Hangzhou was 1997. Today, I woke up to a fluffy blanket of snow-coated trees which sure beats the grimey, gray snow of Dongbei where I lived for 2 1/2 years.

So I grabbed my camera and headed down to Westlake in the early morning. The roads were still too slick to ride my bicycle, so I took a taxi. When I told the driver Xi Hu (West Lake), Duan Qiao (Broken Bridge), he said, "Ah! Going to see the snow on Broken Bridge!"

Broken Bridge (Duan Qiao) is known throughout China because it is the place where the mythical "Lady White Snake" met her lover on a rainy day in Hangzhou. The story is learned by students throughout China when they are still in primary school. What most Chinese don't know, is how Broken Bridge got its name. Apparently, on one occasion it snowed in Hangzhou and the snow on half the bridge melted while the other half stayed snowy.

When the taxi arrived at Broken Bridge today, it was impossible to tell if this myth was true - the entire bridge was jammed with people standing there and taking pictures. Honestly, I have never seen more people standing on that bridge (and folks, it gets jammed every weekend and every holiday). Broken Bridge could have melted into West Lake today with all the humanity swarming across it.

So I told the taxi driver to keep going and I had him drop me at the Xi Ling Bridge at the other end of the lake. I jumped out of the taxi and began taking pictures. The snow lay softly on the still, green trees and muted the usually raucous noise of ever-present tourists. I saw many, MANY professional photographers with tripods wandering around. West Lake truly is a photogenic masterpiece and everyone was here today to catch her shrouded in white.

In all, I snapped off 104 pictures myself (according to my digital count). I have posted some of the best on the main page of my website tonight.

Today was also another auspicious day in my life. My father turned 77 today. Happy Birthday Dad! I wish you could have been here in Hangzhou to see how beautiful this place is.

:: THIS IS SCARY! II ::

(See the previous entry)

Man, I am so stupid! I spent 30 minutes on this thing this morning trying to trick it. And I read many of the comments at the site speculating how it is done (quite a few people seem to think the guy has discovered a way to track your eye movement through the computer - a scary thought in itself).

Then, right after posting the previous entry, I checked the link to see if it was working and I played it three times and SUDDENLY, I figured out how it works. DOH!

Tell you what, if you think you figured it out, send me an e-mail (click "e-mail" at the end of the entry) rather than posting it in the comments. I'm curious to see everyone's results. To remind you, it was correct 24 out of 25 times with me.

(Also, I made a mistake in the first post - Little Bush and ROVE are using the "technology" on national POLICY grounds.)

:: THIS IS SCARY! ::

Try this ESP Experiment. It's amazing! I tried it 25 times and it was wrong only once. Scary!

Bush and Ashcroft have reportedly confiscated the technology on national security grounds. :)

Anyway, try it yourself and report back here with your results.

Thanks to alf for putting me on to this.

:: SO, YOU WANT TO TEACH IN CHINA? ::

I have been teaching in China for almost 5 years. I often get e-mail asking about what it is like to teach in Chinese universities. I have never read a better description of what it is like for those of us teaching here (especially if you are in the smaller cities) than the description that Hank Jones has written in his newly created Blog.

Hank has been teaching in China for two years. In fact, we first made acquaintance when he sent me one of those "What's it like to teach in China" e-mails while he was a university teacher in Mississippi. Well, now he's been here for two years and he has written, in my opinion, the definitive description based on his own experience. His description rings as clear and true as a temple bell to my ears and I have lived and taught in big universities and small colleges, in big towns and small.

It should be required reading for anyone thinking of coming here to teach. Current teachers would do well to read it too as Hank has a clear grasp on what our students have to put up with - something that often isn't explained to foreign teachers by the students or the faculty when we arrive.

Run, do not walk, to The Laowai Monologues.

Hank: you done good...real good.

:: BASEBALL...IN JANUARY...IN CHINA ::

Saturday morning (-2ºC - 28ºF) I taught some of my students how to play baseball. This was actually a lesson - the previous week, I had given them a full lesson on Baseball English complete with many baseball idioms that are so much a part of everyday American English (i.e. Hit a home run, strike out, you have two strikes against you, throw someone a fastball/curveball, the bases are loaded, he's out in right field, etc. etc.). I had prepared a powerpoint complete with diagrams and pictures and terms and ended the class by showing them a couple of innings of a simulated game on the "Sammy Sosa-High Heat Baseball" computer game.

Of course, you can't really appreciate baseball until you actually play it and due to typically stupid Chinese scheduling, (we had to have class on Saturday and Sunday to "make up" for having a three-day New Years holiday (Jan 1-3) - I mean, what's the point of giving someone a couple days off if they have to make them up on weekends - DOH!) I decided that we would "extend" the Baseball English class on Saturday by actually playing the game.

The classes are at the new campus here which is only about 50% completed, if that. But they have managed to install a beautiful artificial turf soccer field. It's the nicest turf I have seen anywhere, the States included. And it looked, felt and acted like natural grass but for two things: (1) it was a deep green color in contrast to the yellow-green of the surrounding natural turf fields, and (2) despite the frost on the grass at 8:00 am, it provided pretty good traction for my students most of whom showed up in leather soled shoes. No one slipped or fell, which was a big concern of mine given the weather conditions.

It was great to play baseball again, even given the cold conditions. The students seemed to love it. I have posted a few pictures on my main website.

:: GOD SAVE THE WORLD ::

"I'm the person who gets to decide, not you."

- The American Plenipotentiary...I, mean President....to reporters, recently,
who questioned whether war with Iraq was inevitable.